Cheating is one of those things that shakes the foundations of a relationship down to its very core, and according to some statistics, as much as 27 percent of all divorces happen as a result of an affair.
Though it may seem like you never will recover from an affair, it’s very possible to have a relationship recover after infidelity — but only if your partner remains loyal and you are capable of forgiving them.
Statistically speaking, anywhere from 20 percent to 55 percent of partners who were caught cheating will cheat again.
While there’s no surefire way to determine who will cheat again and who won’t, the following signs definitely suggest that your partner won’t be loyal in the future, either.
1. They show no serious remorse
Genuine remorse is one of the more reliable (but not surefire) ways to determine whether a cheater will be a repeat offender. Most cheaters will show superficial remorse — but not genuine, deep-hitting remorse.
Real remorse isn’t just crying because they got caught; it’s making a serious effort to make you feel better, being humble about what they did, and doing whatever they can to save the relationship. It’s also being honest with you when you confront them about it and being patient while you grieve.
2. They expect you to “just get over with it already”
This is never a good sign, ever. It’s a relationship red flag that suggests that they are (at best) not on the same wavelength as you and (at worst) unable to see why the damage is so hard-hitting.
Even if they didn’t cheat on you, someone who hurts you and tells you to “just get over it” or tells you to “stop being so sensitive,” is someone who is showing abusive tendencies. If you notice this with your partner, it’s a good indicator that it’s time to call it quits.
3. They have shown more interest in masturbating than in you
Have they prioritized masturbating over having sex with you? Did you approach them regularly, only to be turned down by them with a terrible excuse? Or worse, have they started to act like you’re the option?
If this sounds familiar, it’s a sign that they may have lost sexual attraction to you. In some cases, this also could be a sign that they’re showing loyalty to the affair partner rather than you. Either way, it’s a death knell for the relationship you’re trying to salvage.
4. There is a history of abuse in your relationship
Don’t ask me why, but abuse and cheating seem to go hand in hand. A person who repeatedly hurts you with insults, criticism, power plays, and similar behavior is not a person who will stop hurting you via cheating.
Unfortunately, abusers do not change. Many abusers use cheating as a way to hurt their partners, too. If this is a pattern in your relationship, it’s not going to break until you leave them and never return.
5. They are still in contact with the other person
There’s no affair recovery that will happen if they refuse to dump the affair partner. If anything, the fact that they won’t stop talking to the partner shows that they’re prioritizing their relationship with the partner and their ability to fool around over you.
Should you notice this, you should be aware that the situation will not change — and that the affair will continue, whether you like it or not.
6. They badgered you for an open relationship shortly after the discovery of the affair
It never ceases to amaze me how often cheaters will broach the subject of an open relationship almost immediately after they were caught with their pants down. This is a huge sign of a total lack of remorse, respect, and empathy.
Nothing good comes from forgiving someone like this. It’s happened to me twice, and one guy actually threatened to leave if I didn’t let him sleep around. (For the record, I told him he’s free to sleep with whoever he wants, since he was now single).
7. They won’t even bother promising you that it won’t happen again
There’s something to be said about a person who refuses to promise that it won’t happen again.
On one hand, it’s brutally honest and is pretty respectable in the sense that they’re being upfront that they will very likely cheat on you again. On the other hand, not even bothering to offer lip service tells you everything you really need to know.
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